Today

Today i wrote a letter to my professor in college. To some extent, he encouraged me to come on JET to japan. I feel that to some extent I am following in his footsteps. Actually, to a rather large extent. I mean, the JLPT, Kyudo, becoming a scholar-this guy is like a career role model. but my attachment to that model is doin' me bad. feeling like i NEED to pass nikyu. I SHOULD do kyudo, or some kind of martial art, as though I had promised. Its all in my head. Its all competition actually, Im competing with a ghost of who i think I should be. my ghost is always better than me. Why?